Rambling #3

What shorthand clues do you use to remember people?

I’m usually to be found moving forward, don’t have much time for nostalgia but yesterday’s events prompted quite a few memories and thoughts about the past.
I went to a memorial service for someone I hadn’t seen for a long time and so met up with some other people I had stayed in touch with but not seen very often over the years.
Some context is possibly helpful.
My parents moved around the country a bit with my father’s career progression - or more accurately with my mother’s ambitions for my father’s career progression. At the age of 10, I developed a scoliosis, a spinal condition that required me to wear a back brace - known as a Milwaukee brace - for 23 hours a day. Where we lived at the time in a small Hampshire village, I had lots of friends, people at school were used to me, I had an established relationship with my consultant etc etc.

However …

My mother decided we needed another increase in our standard of living right at the time my consultant decided I needed surgery. My mother’s will (always) overcame my objections so off we went again, this time to a small town in North Nottinghamshire. My misgivings about being parachuted into a new school where no-one knew me, no-one had ever seen a Milwaukee brace before and where I would have to spend several months in an unfamiliar hospital were disregarded. Some of these were fully justified but some other aspects actually worked to my advantage,
The surgery was relatively successful according to the standards of the time, I had school lessons in hospital - although they had to import teachers from the local grammar school to teach me. I had to wear the dreaded brace for 24 hours a day for another year after that and gradually made friends at my new school when I returned.
GCE ‘O’ levels came and went with great success and at some stage the school in its wisdom desided that my obvious resilience, coupled with my academic prowess made me Head Girl material (!)

My most constant friend throughout this - and who lived near me - was Diana. She had an older brother, Paul, who I was also friends with and who I rather fancied at the time - although I was on a hiding to nothing as he turned out to be gay (oh, the blind innocence of youth!). He was a passionate church bellringer and after school, a science student at Oxford.
When I later followed him to university (in as much as he influenced my choice of Oxford over Cambridge), he helped me find my feet a bit and introduced me to some social gatherings, including the time when the university bell ringers ‘taught’ Lesley Judd and Peter Purves to ring bells in an episode of Blue Peter! At times another friend - also a previous Head Girl of my old school used to come to visit Paul. After university Paul continued to follow his love of bellringing, to become a senior ringer at St Paul’s cathedral.
So where is all this rambling going? Well, yesterday I went to a memorial service for Paul in the crypt of St Paul’s cathedral, he having died from cancer in May. I had lunch with Diana and her family before the service and we were in the front pews. A tall woman and her husband came to stand next to me - she introduced herself as the previous Head Girl of the school that I mentioned above (you don’t see one for decades and then two come along at once!!) . I said who I was and she acknowledged me without much recognition until I happened to mention the back brace … and there, finally is the point of this all writing.
”Ah” she said “I’m embarrased to say I know who you are now.”
Why embarassed? At the time it was my distinguishing feature, however much I didn’t like it and didn’t want to be defined by it. And if I’m honest, if the roles were reversed, I’m certain I would have used the same shorthand ‘the girl with the back brace / pearl earring / dragon tattoo’ etc. for someone I didn’t know especially well.
The difference is in holding your hands up and admitting to your shorthand, I suppose!

Oh and yes, my mother did used to cut my hair!